These apparently ill-tempered creatures are not known to willingly or peacefully return phones once they have managed to obtain them. In fact, any attempt to retrieve the desired object is not looked upon favourably, at all. One might do well to consider one’s erstwhile mobile device a lost cause, really, rather than face the frightful wrath of these fearsome, aggressive amphibians.
ECS—or Escaped Cow Syndrome—and the ennui-inducing NW (Now What-ism) associated with it—is something we all face; it is by no means limited to bovines/ungulates. But take heart, I say, from these proud, purposeful individuals. Nothing less than a clarion call has been sounded: We need not fear freedom; we must embrace it!
Published earlier in sister-site ArgotSpeak.